devoured sandwiches at irregular hours

So I’m pretty sure this is the end… but I also thought I was done after the first part and the second part, so who knows. Anyway, it’s been interesting, this whole fanfiction writing thing.

Enjoy! :)

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Blaine had been doing rather well since the pants incident. He had been eating regular meals, each accompanied by a text from Kurt, telling him he loved him no matter what.  At first it had seemed slightly patronizing, but after he got used to them he started to look forward to each one. His therapy sessions had been going well. They were almost back to the way they had been before his confession. The only real difference was a few questions about his eating habits and about his parents. School was good too. His classes were just as easy as the first day had brought him to assume, and he had more time to spend with Kurt due to the lack of homework.

One thing bothered him. Last year, Blaine hadn’t been there when New Directions had explored their insecurities through the power of Lady Gaga. If he had, he knew that at that point he would have donned a “Likes Boys” shirt identical to Kurt’s. Now he was better, stronger, and he wanted people to know; he wanted to tell them. He may not have been born with an eating disorder, but it was something about himself that he had come to terms with, sort of.

So two weeks into the semester he wore a sweater over his white t-shirt, to stay zipped up all the way all day. Not even Kurt would know of his plan. He had his food packed, so he didn’t need to worry about a cafeteria lunch. When he arrived at the choir room, he and Kurt took their usual seats. After the entirety of New Directions had settled themselves, Blaine raised his hand.

 “Mr Shuester, I had something I’d like to share with everyone.”

The teacher stepped aside, and Blaine took his place in front of the club.

“I know that last year, you guys all made shirts talking about your insecurities; things you had come to terms with. I thought that maybe, I could do the same now. I wasn’t exactly born this way, but…”

He smiled at his rather confused boyfriend before unzipping his sweater and revealing the large black lettering on his shirt. Santana scowled, and Mr Shue addressed her.

“Did you have something to say Santana?”

“Who cares if Frodo over here skips some meals or up chucks them or whatever? We all do it sometimes. What’s the big deal?”

He knew he should have stayed, defended himself, explained, but he didn’t, he couldn’t. Because this was worse than he could have imagined. It was worse than any teasing that he’d ever dealt with; worse than being sent to the fucking hospital by those stupid gay bashers after the dance. He thought Santana was his friend, and she didn’t understand. He didn’t get far before he collapsed, just sank to the floor in the empty hallway.

Blaine didn’t know until later that Kurt had started shouting at Santana the moment he had left the choir room. He didn’t know that he had explained his abandonment issues, his body image issues, his worst fears, and most of all, how much confidence he thought it took for Blaine to tell everyone. He didn’t know any of that, so he was surprised when it was Brittany—not Kurt—that chased after him.

“San didn’t mean what she said. I think she’s just mad you took her idea for when she tells everyone she’s Lebanese.”

Blaine looked up at the pretty blonde standing above him. She must have sensed his confusion, as she went on to explain herself.

“That she likes girls.”

“Brittany, I don’t think… Never mind.”

He decided not to try to explain the difference between being Lebanese and being a lesbian to her. That was one thing he had learned in their friendship so far: if you don’t have a fair bit of patience and time on your hands, you shouldn’t try to teach Brittany anything. He was surprised, but no less glad to see Mike Chang walking toward them. He kneeled down next to him and rubbed his shoulder. They had known each other a bit before Blaine had integrated with the McKinley crowd, as the Asian community in their area was quite close knit, but they had rarely spoken. Even now, they didn’t really speak, Mike just offered him a drive home and he nodded. They drove in silence.

At some point during the quiet ride, Blaine made a decision. He resolved to stop eating whenever his boyfriend wasn’t around. He knew it would be easier to just break up with him, but he knew he couldn’t, he depended too much on him. So he would eat lunch every day and eat dinner whenever he was at Kurt’s or Kurt was at his place. He knew it would be harder to keep it a secret now that everyone knew, especially when he started losing weight, but it was worth it.  He could almost feel the familiar light-headedness at the thought of his plan and he relished it.

He convinced himself that it wasn’t just acting out, trying to prove to the naysayers the legitimacy of his condition. The reason then? He assumed everyone would avoid him after his confession. Maybe not Brittany, but she just didn’t understand. Mike had probably just driven him home because he knew that was what his mother would have wanted him to do. Even Kurt might not stay with him if the rest of the glee club ignored him. So he would need his hunger again, he reasoned with himself, to deal with the isolation.

It was almost an hour before Kurt arrived at his door. He used his key, the one he had given him the day he had told him everything. The key he had used the first day of school, the key Blaine constantly forgot he had. So when Kurt casually walked through Blaine’s open bedroom door, he fell off his bed, where he had been curled up in the fetal position.

“Sorry to scare you, and sorry I took so long.”

Blaine didn’t really want Kurt there, but did nothing to stop him and simply clambered back onto his bed. His boyfriend sat next to him and reached down to take off his shoes. He then leaned back and cuddled into Blaine’s side.

“Brittany told me Mike drove you home.”

“Yeah, our mothers are pretty close, so he probably just did it to please them.”

“I’m not so sure. He seemed pretty upset, if the dirty look he gave Santana on his way out was any indication.”

“What happened? After I left, I mean.”

Kurt told him the story.

“I hope you don’t mind that I told them.”

“No, I don’t. Actually I’m glad you did. I don’t think I would have been able to. You really called Santana a ‘merciless, vapid bitch that can’t even own up to her own feelings’ though?”

“Not my proudest moment. I think the only reason Mr Shuester didn’t get me in trouble was because I was protecting you. You know he doesn’t know how to take control when things get out of hand.”

“So they all think I’m a freak now?”

“Of course they don’t Blaine. In fact, a lot of them wanted to come with me to talk to you, but I told them to wait.”

They probably just wanted the chance to insult him to his face, but he didn’t point that out to Kurt. So he just started to run his fingers through Kurt’s hair. Normally, this was forbidden, so Blaine took advantage of the free pass offered by him mental instability. They cuddled for a while before Kurt made them dinner: garden salad with low fat dressing. He ate it all and he and Kurt said their goodbyes for the night.

The next day at school he didn’t see any of his fellow glee club members, even the ones in his classes. Kurt had told him to find his own way to school, perhaps in kinder words. Blaine had still intended on going through with his plan, but maybe if Kurt wasn’t around he wouldn’t need to eat the lunch he had packed. Maybe he would even get to point where he felt dizzy. Of course it wasn’t as good as a single touch, much less a kiss from Kurt, it would do. He was nearly to the library when the boy who sat next to him in English caught sight of him. He dragged him to the cafeteria and Blaine was forced to eat with him and his friends. It frustrated him, but he could start that night.

The choir room door was shut, but a note on it read “Glee Club rehearsal to be held in the auditorium”. He knew needed to at least go through the motions until Kurt dumped him, so he slowly made his way there. The lights were off but for the one by the stage, and the curtains were closed. Mr Shuester sat in the front row. Blaine took the seat next to him and looked over at him in confusion.

“After hearing your story yesterday Blaine, your fellow glee clubbers wanted to say something to you.”

The curtains opened to reveal Kurt on stage wearing his ‘Likes Boys’ shirt. The rest of the club stood behind him wearing their own, Puck and Sam with guitars covering theirs.

“Hi Blaine! This was actually Mike’s idea, so could someone forcibly bring him over here?”

Mike stepped forward on his own, hands up in surrender, and moved to stand beside Kurt.

“After yesterday, I, we, thought you might need some support. So I, your self-declared new Asian Best Friend, set this up. I know these shirts don’t all mean as much as yours did, and for a lot of us, wearing them doesn’t make us near as brave as you. But enjoy.”

And with that, they both moved back into place and began to sing. No solos, no arguments; just many voices as one, all for him.

What would you think if I sang out of tune 
Would you stand up and walk out on me 
Lend me your ears and I’ll sing you a song 
And I’ll try not to sing out of key 

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends 
Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends 
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends 

What do I do when my love is away 
Does it worry you to be alone? 
How do I feel by the end of the day 
Are you sad because you’re on your own 

No, I get by with a little help from my friends 
Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends 
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends 

Do you need anybody 
I need somebody to love 
Could it be anybody 
I want somebody to love 

Would you believe in a love at first sight 
Yes, I’m certain that it happens all the time 
What do you see when you turn out the light 
I can’t tell you but I know it’s mine 

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends 
Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends 
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends 

Do you need anybody 
I just need someone to love 
Could it be anybody 
I want somebody to love 

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends 
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends 
Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends 
Yes I get by with a little help from my friends 
With a little help from my friends

As he discreetly wiped away his tears he made a mental note to tell Wes he had been replaced. Yes, Mike Chang was definitely his new “Asian Best Friend”. He climbed up on the stage and gave him a huge hug. A whispered ‘thank you’ in Mike’s ear required Blaine to be on his tiptoes and to stretch his neck a little weirdly, but it was well worth it. When he finally let go, he saw Kurt tapping his foot in mock annoyance, with his arms out for a hug. After everyone else gave him a hug, which he hadn’t expected at all, they sat down on the stage to talk. Mr. Shuester started the conversation.

“Blaine, I know you may not want to, but it’s my responsibility as your teacher, are you seeing someone about this?”

Kurt was quick to cut in.

“Mr Shuester, with all due respect—”

“It’s okay Kurt, yes sir, I’ve been seeing a therapist for the past couple of years, and she knows about my condition.”

“So you just, didn’t eat unless your parents were home?”

This time it was Finn that spoke. Kurt looked once again ready to jump in, but Blaine stopped him again.

“For the most part, yes.”

“How didn’t you like, die?”

“The average human can go up to three weeks without food as long as they stay properly hydrated, but my parents were around more often than that. I think the longest I ever went without food was a week.”

“But you’re eating now, right?”

Rachel seemed to have just stopped herself from adding something like ‘we can’t have you passing out on stage at sectionals’, but the concern was evident on her face.

“Yes Rachel, three meals a day, each approved by my boyfriend/dietician.”

“He would eat celery for all those meals without me. I make sure he has balance.”

The group chuckled uncomfortably, but the joke did lighten the mood a bit. Blaine continued to answer questions for a while, and he realized it felt as good to share all this with his friends as it had been when he told Kurt and his therapist. It felt nice not to keep secrets. But then Tina asked the one question he had not wanted to hear.

“Do your parents know?”

“No they don’t.”

There was a moment’s silence before Quinn spoke up.

“Then why do you have a therapist.”

“You don’t have to tell them dear, if you don’t want to.”

“No, I want to.”

He used the exact words had had used to tell Kurt. The others’ reactions were audible, and by the end his eyes were on his sneakers, and both Kurt and Mike had an arm around him. It was harder than talking about his eating disorder. That was a choice. Being beaten up was different. Saying the words, no matter how vague the ones he chose were, almost made him feel the pain; the collision of fist and skull, of foot and ribcage. As soon as he closed his eyes, he could hear the footsteps of his attackers moving toward him. No, wait, those were real. He felt himself engulfed in the world’s most awkward group hug, awkward simply due to the fact that half its participants were sitting and half were standing. In that moment, Blaine knew that as long as he had these people in his life, he could get though anything.

#blained #gleeyna #madgirlwithabox #xjazzhandsx #lionphantom #bourbonrose #samstopswinging #storiesbycandlelight
  1. patricksharpbikecam reblogged this from mscaptainmarvel and added:
    How did I miss this when it was posted?!? Excellent as always, my dear :) Everyone go read this if you haven’t
  2. treacherouswords reblogged this from mscaptainmarvel and added:
    If you haven’t already, go read the story. It’s beautiful and I guess a lot of us can relate to the body image issues...
  3. storiesbycandlelight reblogged this from mscaptainmarvel and added:
    If you haven’t checked this story out, I would. :) Personally, I find it very honest and I know many of us have similar...
  4. mscaptainmarvel posted this